A Modest Proposal to Make Israeli Expansionism Make Sense
I bear witness that there is no god but God
The town of Dir al-Assad in the Galilee surrendered to the IDF on 31st October 1948. Someone was in a bad mood, though, because the inhabitants were rounded up and transported to the neighbouring town of Bi’ina where two of them were murdered in front of the others. After a few days, the rest were allowed back home, where they discovered that their houses had been ransacked and looted. Some decided to stay, and others took the hint and walked to Lebanon, their descendants living today in Ain al-Hilweh. Many today believe that, because of stuff like that, the Arabs of Palestine should pursue an open-ended vendetta until the State of Israel falls in the same way it was established, namely via mass expulsions and the replacement of the population by a bunch of people formerly living in precarious circumstances across the Arab world.
I disagree. The 1940s were a rough time for humanity. A lot of regrettable things happened and we should get over them and move on. Most people have, and it’s not that bad. In these parts, the Palestinians gave as good as they got, it’s just that they weren’t very good. You win some, you lose some and, in truth, what did they really lose? Someone who agrees with me is Salah Khalil Faisal Na’ameh. He was born in Dir al-Assad, but he decided that he could do better than gang feuds and ISIS, so he moved to Be’er Sheva where he works for the District Attorney’s office. A few weeks ago, one Friday evening, he was sitting on the balcony with friends listening to music. I imagine he was listening too loud, and Arab music is typically pretty annoying, prone to excessive repetition and rather crude melodies. On the other hand, this is Israel, so glass houses and all that. Anyway, someone took offense, as is their right, and perhaps their duty, and the police showed up. However, they showed up without a warrant so he told them to leave. Lawyers can be annoying that way. The police showed up again later the same evening. They didn’t have a warrant this time either, but they did have balaclavas on and they forced their way in, before dragging Salah to their car. This is what Salah looked like after:
Here’s my take: this whole new Jew thing, it’s not working out. Yes, I know you have a lot of nice words about how returning the Jew to his ancestral soil would unleash his native powers anew and allow him to round off the over-developed virtues of exile with those of a settled and free people. Words are nice, and useful too. I’m writing words right now, but facts are more useful. The results of the experiment are in, and I’m afraid to say they suck. It turns out that you kind of have to put some actual thought into building a new Hebrew culture. You can’t just take people from all over the world, put them into a war zone, funnel them through a massive hazing ritual posing as an education system, and allow criminals and lunatics to fill their head with insane, degenerate nonsense and unhinged racial narcissism moulded into a gruesome pastiche of a religion and just hope for the best. Well, you can, because that’s what they did, but you end up here. The best we can say is that, for now, there’s still enough of the old Jew - and some obsolete beta versions of the new Jew - around to keep it all from spinning out of control.
That’s what I think, but not everyone agrees. Once or twice, it has been suggested that my sentiments arise not from reasonable interpretation of the facts, but rather from a more fundamental fact, namely that I am gay, a big faggy gay liberal. If I wasn’t gay, I would know that this is all just what humans do: they fight over land, and if they win, they fight over some more land, until they are a big empire. That’s what we’re here to do, and we’re going to do it. From the river to the sea. And we’re not talking about that river anymore.
OK, so let’s roll with it. Who can we learn from who knew how to build a large empire that lasted for more than a generation or two? Certainly no-one from our own history. So let’s take Julius Caesar, who conquered Gaul in 8 glorious years from 58 to 50 BC. Did the bald lecher commit some atrocities in the process? Wooh-boy did he commit some atrocities. After the siege of Avaricum, he had almost the whole population - 40,000 according to his estimate - put to death. When the old and sick fled Alesia, he starved them to death. Against the Eburones, he embarked on a campaign of extermination, burning everything in sight, and hunting down fleeing survivors. So, based, right?
And, sure enough, a few hundred years later there were no Gauls anymore. No druids, no names ending in x, no whatever else Gaulic culture consisted of. Everyone was Roman now. Job done. Except there’s a catch. Everyone living in Gaul circa 200 CE was a Roman, but they weren’t descended from Romans. They were descended from Gauls. It’s probable that Caesar was exaggerating about how many based points he had accrued through all the killing; people were prone to that. But even if he wasn’t, it wouldn’t have made all that much difference. Back in those days, population was limited by the carrying capacity of the soil. If you killed a bunch of people, as happened not infrequently, you just had to wait a bit and those who remained would breed a bunch more.
The point we’ve been working our way round to [wait, this is 1,000 words already before I even got to the topic? Oh, yeah that will make a neat topical intro, idiot] is that if you want to be all based and historical about it, just massacring everyone and bringing in your own people isn’t how you build an empire. It’s a strong move, one can’t really gainsay that, but it’s also kind of a bitch move. It’s what really primitive peoples do if they figure out how to build a new kind of chariot, or whatever the Indo-European secret sauce turns out to have been, and suddenly become militarily unstoppable without knowing what to do with it. It’s also what old empires gone squalid and senile do because they just can’t help themselves. But proper empires in their period of expansion and greatness don’t do that. Instead, they conquer and say ‘you’re not x anymore, you’re us’, and it happens. That’s why Mustafa from Nablus is called Mustafa, not Theophilus or some poof name like that.
So, learning from the proud conquerors of history, the solution to the Palestinian problem isn’t to expel them so they can sit at the border attacking you, until you conquer and expel them again in a pattern of infinite regress like a muppet. And it isn’t to murder them all like a monster. It’s to convert them. Though, as I said, the Jewish people have never been an empire, we did have a short period as a middle-rank regional power under the Hasmoneans, and that’s how it was achieved. The way this happened varied from conquered place to conquered place. The Idumeans, at any rate some of them, were forcibly converted on pain of expulsion. The Galileans were converted mostly by a process of acculturation promoted by settlers from Judea. The Itureans, well, if the Ancient Historians figure it out, they’ll let us know. In any case, the point is that expansion through acculturation worked pretty well until dynastic feuds brought the Romans in.
So, the genuinely based thing to do is to convert the Palestinians. However, you instantly sense that there is something absurd about this, and you are correct. One obstacle to such a programme is that converting to Judaism doesn’t protect you from being murdered by a retarded Likudnik soldier, but that’s not the real problem. It’s just very implausible that millions of people are going to abandon Islam for Judaism. Sunni Islam is a religion of 1.8 billion people. Its median level of human capital is, to put it mildly, not very good, but no matter how left-shifted your bell curve, quantity ends up having a quality all of its own. Thus Sunni Islam has thousands of universities and madrassas churning out clerics and influencers to comfort and fire up the people. If there was ever a serious campaign to convert the Palestinians, Judaism would just get overwhelmed with proofs for tahrif and reprints of Ibn Hazm. With all due respect to Aish haTorah, the Kuzari argument is not going to cut it. Converting the Israeli Druze to a pozzed version of Druzism in which Druze and Jews are best buddies going back to Jethro was feasible, but anything more ambitious than that is not going to fly unless we go to Africa and conquer some illiterate animists.
However, there is no need to despair because history provides an equally based and red-pilled option for practitioners of an inferior religion (talking in strictly sociological and material terms) who use their martial prowess to overwhelm older powers gone flabby. Over in Europe, the Visigoths did it, the Franks did it, the Ostrogoths did it. It’s a tried and true strategy, and also one very indigenous to our region: the Seljuks did it, the Ottomans did it, the Mughals did it too. You can just do things. Specifically, you can just convert to Islam. Job done.
By rights I should just end the article there with an epic mic-drop. Unfortunately, some of my readers, specifically the bums who don’t pay, aren’t smart, so I’m going to spell out for you how this is the obvious choice to advance the interests of Israeli militarism, and anyone who opposes it is ipso facto a big dummy pinko:
Precisely the most radical elements of the Palestinian national movement can now be leveraged to exterminate what’s left. As our brothers in ISIS have pointed out many a time, Arab nationalism is absolute heresy full of Christians and atheists and literally even Jews and now this motley crew of kuffar are trying to incite good Muslims against their fellow faithful members of the umma. Off with their heads!
As hasbara activists tell us all the time, nobody cares when Muslims kill other Muslims, and, guess what, now it’s gonna be Muslims killing Muslims - a whole lot of Muslims - until we get our land and security. No doubt, some of them will object, specifically all the ones we are going to kill, but the umma at large will be split between the ones on their side and the ones on our side, leading to the same kind of general malaise and irrelevancy that they exhibited during the Syrian Civil War.
The Israeli military is pretty good in many ways, but it is fatally hobbled by its extreme aversion to military casualties, something that is quite normal for gay liberal democracies, but is literally unheard of for expansionist military states. This gives the IDF a strangely comic, somewhat grotesque character, half Genghis Khan and half Dutch homosexual, with the result that we used about 100,000 tons of explosives in an area slightly larger than Dresden, and still didn’t really win. Fortunately, Islam is famously pro-martyrdom, so instead of wasting tens of thousands of dollars calling in an air strike every time Yossi thinks there’s a fighter in an apartment block, we are going to start sending thousands of troops into tunnels to achieve heroic deaths. With this faggy pikuach nefesh nonsense out of the way, the technological and manpower superiority of the IDF over the rest of the region can finally be used to full effect.
As we noted above, there are more than a billion Muslims in this poor planet of ours, and most of them are contiguous, creating an immense natural block which a strong military power can lead. (Un)fortunately, the Muslim countries, that presently exist suffer from chronic human capital issues and political dysfunction, leaving this empire in waiting rudderless and constantly beset by completely inane conflicts. As a Jewish state, Israel is in literally the stupidest place it could possibly be, but the Most Muslim Kingdom of Israel with an extra 6 million ex-Palestinians (just for a start) will be perfectly positioned for regional dominance. Turkey is going to get BTFOd.
Currently, a lot of powerful countries like China keep their relations with Israel to a minimum, because even if Israel was everything the hasbarists say it is, it would still make more sense to take the side of the Muslim world against it. Hence Israel is crippled by having only one possible superpower patron whose political system it can manipulate, so far, by appealing to diaspora Jews and miscellaneous weird Christians. However, the new Muslim Kingdom of Israel has no natural enemies and so can freely manoeuvre between different alliances to get the best deal.
Speaking of which, the best pitch we have for America right now was formulated by Yoram Hazony, namely that we act as the regional policeman/pitbull so America can retrench and focus on its own problems and/or preparing for World War 3 with China. The problem with this analysis is that it has no connection with reality whatsoever because the region’s countries won’t accept us as umpires in their disputes. We had to sit out both Gulf Wars, and even taking on the insane heretic state of Iran is pushing it. However, as an orthodox Sunni state with mild leanings towards fundamentalism, we can actually do this for real.
Now the country is Muslim, it can no longer get limitlessly cucked by Charedim exploiting the confused Israeli relationship with its Jewish heritage, and so the ultra-Orthodox (assuming they don’t get on the Muslim train with the rest of the country) will have to start flipping houses and trading diamonds like their diaspora cousins or get lost.
Even the slow kids at the back can now see that this is a no-brainer if you want to be the dominant regional, and one day maybe even global, power. Given that it’s so, why not do it? Really, why not?
I can only think of one valid objection, namely that it would be bad for Judaism. Now, to be perfectly frank, with how things are going with religion in Israel, I’m not 100% sure even that’s true, but let’s say it is and, as common sense would have it, the loss of millions of Jews and all the religious infrastructure they presently possess to another religion would be bad for our one. Fine, what that means is that the interests of the Jewish religion and the interests of the Israeli state are two different things. Maybe they overlap, maybe they don’t. It can’t be assumed until you check. If you do check, then often you’ll find that an idea that might be good for the state of Israel given its geopolitical predicament might be a terrible idea for Judaism or vice versa. To close off, we’ll look at two such ideas, one from the Left and one from the Right and see why, though they have undeniable benefits to the Israeli state, they are clearly not in the interests of the Jewish religion.
